First, what is a family? According to dictionary.com: a basic social unit consisting of parents and their children, considered as a group, whether dwelling together or not. Anyway, there are 22 different possible definitions given, almost all refer to blood relatives and the like.
As for blended family? A family composed of a couple and their children from previous marriages.
Let's start simply. My dad was born to Annette and Harry. He has two brothers, one older (Harold) and one younger (Stuart). Harold is married to Norine. They have two girls, Ariel and Mariah. Ari is gay, and has a girlfriend. Mariah is currently single. Stuart was married to Lisa, who died. They also have two girls, Peri Ruth and Libbi. Peri is also gay and is married to Siece. Libbi is currently single. Stuart is engaged.
I'm living out huge chucks of that side of the family because they aren't seriously important to the rest of this post. Suffice to say that I know a number of my 2nd and 3rd cousins and a few of those nebulous once or twice removed category. These are all easy. They are my grandparents, my uncles, my aunts, my cousins. When Stuart remarries, the person he is marrying will become my aunt for all intents and purposes.
Now it starts to get tricky. My mom was born to Leah and David. She has one sister (Amy) and one brother (John), both younger. Amy is gay and has been with the same woman for as long as I can remember. She has one daughter (Rachel) who she was pregnant with and she adopted another daughter (Leah). John is married and has two kids. We don't talk to them because of family drama that is worth another post. So I have an aunt and two cousins.
When my mom was in college she made her BFFs. I hate using internet slang but it is completely apt in this case. My mom was in college in the 70s and they are still very very close. The three of them are Pat, Pam and Jill. Pat is married to Bob and has two kids, Matt and Chris. Pam, who has since passed away, married towards the end of her life to Doug (who doesn't really factor into the rest of this since he entered the family so late) and her adopted daughter Lena. Jill is married to Ray, who has two kids from his previous marriage. I have always referred to these people as my Aunts and Uncles. The kids were my cousins. In fact, until I was about 8 or 9, I thought that they WERE my aunts. Despite knowing that my mom's sister was only Amy it took me that long to make the connection that we weren't blood related.
But wait, it gets crazier.
When I was 14, my parents separated and finally divorced. My dad remarried a woman named Karen. Karen had a son, Jason, from a previous marriage who lived with his dad, Don, in California. Don had remarried and had another son, Josh. Karen is Josh's godmother. I have never met Josh or Don. Since my father died, Karen moved to Florida and is dating another man. If she marries this man, what does that make him to me? My step-step-father?
Now the real crazy part. My mom moved in with a man named Bob. They have never gotten married. To simplify things, my sister and I refer to him as our Step-father. He has two boys from his previous marriage to Joan, Carl and Jake. Carl is married to Kathy and has two children, Erik (who is 2 years and 5 days older then David) and Ella (who is 3 1/2 months younger then David). Jake is also married to Nicole, and they have one son, Robert (who is 18 months younger then David). So these are my stepbrothers, step-sister-in-laws, step-niece and step-nephews. They are David's step-cousins. For ease, I usually just refer to them as my sister in laws, niece and nephews.
However, Bob has stayed in contact with his ex-brother-in-law, who just got remarried, and his kids. They are not blood related to me but they are to my stepbrothers. They consider my mom their aunt (a side note: my cousins consider Bob their uncle as well so I know this isn't some crazy nuts thing), but they consider my sister and I as their cousins as well. I usually describe them as "Bob's Nieces" even though that isn't totally true either.
Meanwhile, I have gotten married and divorced as well. I still talk regularly with one of my ex-sister-in-laws (the other one I had stopped talking to long before) and my ex-mother-in-law. My ex-father-in-law has not really talked to me since just before David was born. But he is remarried with two stepkids.
My sister's best friend is also considered like another member of the family and my mom has made a few new friends who are also considered like family. I have 'adopted' one of my own. My sister is also engaged to a boy (Chris) who has a sister and brother. His brother is engaged. So I'll eventually have in-law in-laws.
To sum up:
1 Father
1 Mother
1 Step-Father
1 Step-Mother
1 Sister
3 Step-Brothers
2 Step-Sister-In-Laws
2 Soon to be Brother-In-Laws
1 Soon to be Sister-In-Law
3 Step-Nephews
1 Step-Niece
5* Uncles
7** Aunts
8*** Cousins related through blood
3 Cousins not blood related
3 Step(?) Cousins
1 Ex-Mother-In-Law
1 Ex-Father-In-Law
1 Ex-Step-Mother-In-Law
2 Ex-Sister-In-Laws
1 Ex-Step-Sister-In-Law
1 Ex-Step-Brother-In-Law
Then a handful of people that are more then friends of the family but that I don't really have family words for.
As the world gets smaller, and more people combine and recombine their families, we are going to need more words to deal with these people who often don't just disappear out of our lives. Preferable words that aren't total mouthfuls. We are all making more connections to other people and keeping those connections longer then we might otherwise. Blended familes, and words to fit them in, are going to be much more common.
I think we need to update the definition of both family and blended family.
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* - this does not include Doug. His two children are not counted in any of the numbers given either.
** - this does include Leah. Even though she is not blood related, she was adopted by my Aunt Amy so for all intents and purposes she might as well be.
